Problems in Couples Relationships
It’s true – we often bring our own family’s histories into our interactions, and this really can impact how we hear what our partners are saying to us. Most of us bring our history, and even our parents’ histories, into our relationships and when changes in dynamics happen, they can trigger our most deepest fears:
- Do I need to stay in this, even if I’m not happy?
- We love each other and want to make this work, so why do we always end up arguing?
- If I don’t control this relationship, they will eventually leave.
- If only we were in a better financial situation/ had more money…
- The more we argue, the more I shut down.
- Am I good enough to be happy- do I even deserve to be happy?
- I’m exhausted, and I’m done talking if nothing changes.
- I’m ready to move on, but I don’t have the courage to do it.
From Intergenerational trauma to not having had a positive relationship role model while growing up, couples can experience relationship problems in varying ways and in varying degrees.
The sources of miscommunication in intimate, romantic-based relationships are sometimes to the hard to understand, especially if they are rooted in cultural, racial or socioeconomic differences.
Couples therapy help you navigate the unconventional.
In today’s world, where Gen X, Y and Z values differ, couples might also find themselves struggling with gender relationship norms. Who cooks, cleans, who works and who cares for children? This can create tension that you wish would go away, but those things are here to stay.
Having a trained professional can help you with these relationship dynamics can help you figure out how to negotiate, establish a better line of communication and gain clarity about what is compromise and what is just a well-needed change.
You may be interested in exploring polyamory or non-monogamy but aren’t sure how to bring this up to your partner. Perhaps there has been infidelity by you or your partner, and you want to make the relationship work, but the pain makes it too difficult to talk through by yourselves. Maybe you don’t know how to best proceed to try to save the relationship. Or, maybe you need to make a decision to part ways.
Maybe its time to create a new love language…
Couples therapy can help you and your partner to understand how many factors influence and guide the way you show up in a relationship.
Therapy can help you and your partner learn ways to be more present, how to push through your fear of brining up uncomfortable topics and overall, be a more empathetic partner.
Therapy can also help you gain a better understanding of who you are as an individual in the relationship, and what you may be needing to help you feel more fulfilled.
Think of one of the relationships you have with someone in your life, whether that relationship is good or bad. Who automatically came to mind? Was it your significant other, best friend, sibling, or parents? Maybe you’ve developed some meaningful relationships at work, and you value and enjoy working with your colleagues.
You might say that all of those relationships, while not perfect, provide you with something. That certain something is not only important to you, but makes you feel good about yourself. These relationships both provide additional meaning in your life, and you enjoy giving back without a second thought.
Guilt is not a part of a healthy relationship
Now think about what you value most about these relationships. Mutual respect, trust, and excellent communication may have come to mind. Perhaps you enjoy the relationship because, despite an imbalance of power, your person is flexible. They make you feel valued and heard.
Some relationships are seemingly effortless. Others require a dedicated commitment to reach a healthy level of understanding, acceptance, and compromise. But when relationship dynamics are built on principles that mostly benefit one party over the other, the relationship can become a source of stress, anxiety, and guilt.
You may find yourself feeling anxious or wanting to avoid contact at all. Your boundaries could be blurred, non-existent, or on total opposite ends of the spectrum. If you are in a relationship where the changes have been slow to occur or subtle, it might be even more difficult to address the issues because they might not be so obvious. You may even experience anger in a relationship but cannot pinpoint why.
Unhealthy relationships are not just uncomfortable – they can deeply impact people on a physical and emotional level. We want to help you address the concerning relationships in your life. This will allow you to have a healthy, meaningful bond and effectively make decisions about your future together.
How Can Therapy Help?
Stress from ongoing relationship issues can be compounded by other factors like financial worries, cultural differences and even chronic illness, making it difficult for partners to hear each other out.
Physically, the ongoing chronic stress can impact your body’s immune system and make you more vulnerable to illness.
Emotionally and psychologically, the impact of a troublesome relationship can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and provoke feelings of anxiety or depression.
If you are trying to do your best to cope, then you may find yourself trying to avoid certain situations by self-medicating with alcohol or other substances in order to deal with your pain and frustration.
Therapy can help you to better understand and manage your relationships by helping you to:
- Gain insight into how certain behaviors and attitudes that you may have learned are negatively affecting your interactions with others and vice versa
- Learn skills that can help you look at situations with a different perspective so that you can decide how to address the issues in ways that boost your confidence and avoid conflicts
- Increase your emotional intelligence so that you can learn how to better understand emotional cues from others and be able to respond in a productive way that also feels right
- Learn how to set healthy boundaries without creating conflict
- Boost your self-confidence and self-esteem by providing you with tools to help you make healthier decisions about relationships
It’s never too late for you to learn how to navigate relationships in a healthy way, and you deserve to have a full life. Call us today to see how we can help.