Relationships typically involve two different people coming together to form one unit. Each person involved in the relationship will come with their own families, families, careers, hobbies, interests, and passions, just to name a few. They’ll have their own wants, needs, morals, and beliefs.
You may share certain things with your partner, and you may agree to disagree on other topics. This is common in all relationships. In healthy relationships, there will be a clear separation between the two individuals who will still be able to form a bond together.
Over time, no matter how healthy a relationship is, some of these areas may blur and blend together, making it difficult to figure out if you’re still making decisions that benefit you or your partner. No matter what, it’s important to be able to make decisions for both you and the overall relationship.
Here are 4 tips for showing up for yourself in a relationship.
1. Find “Me” Time
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to spend every single second of every single day with your partner. You each have your own life. It’s important to spend some time apart from one another. The time can be spent however you see fit. That could mean going after one of your hobbies or just spending time alone for rest and recovery. Having “me” time isn’t selfish. The time alone can help ensure you’re still meeting your wants and needs and becoming the best version of yourself. You don’t need your partner to be there every step of the way or have input on everything you do. You’re your own person, and it’s important to ensure you’re making time for yourself occasionally.
2. Set Boundaries
You can take your “me” time further by setting boundaries for your relationship. Boundaries may seem like something only meant for relationships that aren’t working, but boundaries are typically set in healthy relationships. Boundaries are a great way to ensure that you and your partner are working to protect your overall mental health and wellness. The boundaries you share could be associated with your emotional health, physical space, time, sexual desires, friendships, or finances. Nothing is off-limits. You and your partner need to work together to define the boundaries and work together to make sure one another is respecting them.
3. Hang Out With Your Family and Friends
When you’re in a relationship, it’s common for your friends to become your partner’s friends and their friends to become your new friends. That being said, it’s important to still maintain your own friendships and family dynamics. Connection is just as important as food, water, and shelter. While it’s normal for your partner to become one of your best and closest friends, you can’t put all your eggs into one basket. You need to make sure that you have other people in your life who can be there for you in the ways you may need them to show up for you.
4. Seek Additional Support
While there are certain lifestyle changes that you can make to start the process of showing up for yourself in a relationship, additional support may be necessary. A mental health professional will be able to work with you and help you figure out your wants, needs, and goals for your relationship and yourself. It’s time to put yourself first again. We’re here to help guide you to a better version of yourself and your relationship. Reach out to us today to set up a consultation for relationship counseling, anxiety therapy or couples therapy.
About the author(s)
Karen is the founder and Clinical Director of Cohesive Therapy NYC. She earned a Masters in Social Work from New York University and has extensive training in Hypnosis, Anxiety, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Brainspotting, and DGBI. She is a member of the Institute of Certified Anxiety Treatment Professionals, The Rome Foundation, the National Association of Social Workers, The Crohn's and Colitis Foundation, and the American Social of Clinical Hypnosis.